or " Preparing yourself for the 21st century anti-work-ethic"
1. When you finish a job, go home early. If you can’t go home early, run around like a headless chicken and they’ll think you are so stressed, they’ll send you home.
2. Spend quality time with your children. Preferably all day. If you don’t have children, invent some so you can get time off when they’re sick.
3. File everything in the bin. Actually, get a skip right next to your desk and put it all in there. If they ask you, “did you get the memo?”, tell them it’s under the soggy mattress that strangely turned up in there overnight.
4. When you start a new job, be enthusiastic but clumsy. Make everyone’s coffee for them. When you ‘accidentally’ spill it on a keyboard, they won’t ask you again.
5. Be ‘sponsorship person’. Every day have a new sponsorship form or a petition that you want everyone to sign. Take time to chat to each person for an hour as you ask them to sign. By day three, they’ll be avoiding you, and you’ll get some peace.
6. Don’t learn how to forward telephone calls. By the time you’ve lost three important calls, they’ll make sure you never touch a telephone again.
7. Appreciate the office toilets. Personalise them with flowers, books and photos from home.
8. Have office romances, preferably more than one at a time. They’re good for the circulation and the boss will think you do a lot of photocopying.
9. At lunchtime, be at one with nature. And stay till two, three, or four....
10. Get some exercise. Get up five minutes later each day and run for the bus. Arrive at work sweaty and unkempt. The day you don’t make it, phone in sick with stress-related symptoms. Then start all over again.
1. When you finish a job, go home early. If you can’t go home early, run around like a headless chicken and they’ll think you are so stressed, they’ll send you home.
2. Spend quality time with your children. Preferably all day. If you don’t have children, invent some so you can get time off when they’re sick.
3. File everything in the bin. Actually, get a skip right next to your desk and put it all in there. If they ask you, “did you get the memo?”, tell them it’s under the soggy mattress that strangely turned up in there overnight.
4. When you start a new job, be enthusiastic but clumsy. Make everyone’s coffee for them. When you ‘accidentally’ spill it on a keyboard, they won’t ask you again.
5. Be ‘sponsorship person’. Every day have a new sponsorship form or a petition that you want everyone to sign. Take time to chat to each person for an hour as you ask them to sign. By day three, they’ll be avoiding you, and you’ll get some peace.
6. Don’t learn how to forward telephone calls. By the time you’ve lost three important calls, they’ll make sure you never touch a telephone again.
7. Appreciate the office toilets. Personalise them with flowers, books and photos from home.
8. Have office romances, preferably more than one at a time. They’re good for the circulation and the boss will think you do a lot of photocopying.
9. At lunchtime, be at one with nature. And stay till two, three, or four....
10. Get some exercise. Get up five minutes later each day and run for the bus. Arrive at work sweaty and unkempt. The day you don’t make it, phone in sick with stress-related symptoms. Then start all over again.